They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
