capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's shark week go big or go home
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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