Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
