I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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