Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
