First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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