Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
