is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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