that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Floor bacon is actually really good
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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