Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
