So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
