i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
