HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
