i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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