fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I cannot find my penis.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
