In the future we'll all be gay
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
