bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
