Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
