theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
