He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
