Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
