Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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