so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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