Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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