Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
we're so committed to being not committed
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
