there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
