I wish my penis had an off switch
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
