So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
