I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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