i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
a search helicopter?!
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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