sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
