from now on my penis is your penis
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
