maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
