just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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