I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
