i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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