My nipple is on Facebook.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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