I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
