I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
