I feel great
I just peed on a car
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
