She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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