maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
