felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
