wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
