we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
