Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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