This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
