I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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