You're my little dorito
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
