Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
