i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
