everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
