Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
