CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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