i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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